How To Help Someone In An Abusive Relationship 

Helping someone out of an abusive relationship can be a difficult task.  Majority of the victims know that they are in a dangerous relationship, but they fear leaving the abuser.  In other scenarios the victim is in love with the abuser, since he/she may not abuse all the time they hope the abuser will eventually change.  Helping one can be challenging but, it is possible.

You Can Help By


  • Letting them know that it is not their fault and that their actions did not cause the abuse.
  •  Let the person know that you will be there for them anytime they need help.
  •  Be supportive by being a good listener without judging them.
  •  Offer a friend a place to stay if they need it.
  •  Lend them money.
  •  Offer the keep the children.
  •  Offer to keep copies of any and all legal documents they may have.
  •  Keep in contact regularly with the victim.
  •  If they are ready to leave help them to create themselves a safety Plan 


  • Put away small amounts of cash in a disclosed location, like with friends, family, bank deposit box, or in a bank account other than the one you may already use.
  • Opening up a post office box for their mail.
  • Arrange for a temporary place to stay.
  •  Put away all important documents.
  • Find a mode of transportation including public transportation.
  • Take their names off of all joint credit cards, any loans, etc.

Encourage the friend to get counseling for themselves and not couples counseling, because the counselor is focused on the abuse and this can cause both parties to believe that they contribute to the abuse, when it's the abuser who is responsible for the abusive behavior.

Do Not

  •  Force the victim to break up with the abuser, they will leave when they are ready.
  • Put down or talk bad about the abuser to the victim because they may still be in love with the abuser.
  • Do not tell the victim what they should or should not do.
  • Offer pity.
  • Do not stop being their friend if they decide to stay with the abuser.
  • Never confront the abuser this can make the situation worse for the victim and all who are involved.

When a victim is ready to leave they can call The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ncad)  National Womens Health Information Center (NWHIC), and 1-800-799-safe.  Check your local area for information on abuse, shelters, and support groups.  Most shelters offer housing assistance, daycare for working mothers who are seeking jobs, financial, and legal assistance. 




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