Cycles Of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence happens in three separate phases. The tension building stage, acute battering stage, and the honey moon stage. Let's take a look at each.
Tension Building (Phase 1)
- The abuser becomes angry about an event that occurred between he and his spouse, extending from but not limited to financial problems, discipline with the kids, problems at work, or problems with the in-laws.
- Abuser begins to become aggressive in his behavior.
- Breakdown in the communication begins.
- The victim feels as if he or she is walking on egg shells. The victim tries to control the situation by not arguing with the abuser.
The tension begins to become unbearable and this is what starts phase 2.
Acute Battering (Phase 2)
- Now that the tension has become unbearable anything as small as a flat tire, stains on clothes, lost or broken items can trigger the abuser to take out his frustration on his/her victim. At this point this is where the punching, slapping, kicking, pushing, choking, biting, raping, use of weapons such as lamps, sticks, bats, brooms, knives, pots, belts, shoes, hangers, cords, etc. turns the home in to a battle zone.
Honeymoon (Phase 3)
- This stage occurs after the abuser has released his/her frustration and begins to realize that they went too far. Now he/she begins to apologize.
- They make promises to never do it again.
- He/she makes promises to get help.
- The abuser becomes loving and giving in hopes that the victim will forgive them.
- They will take you to dinner, buy you flowers, and expensive gifts to become emotionally close to the victim.
- They will even say, "I love you".
Now the couples become emotionally close. Since the victim may have low self esteem, fear of the abuser, or may be embarrassed by the abuse it makes it hard for them to leave the situation. When the honey moon phase ends the cycle repeats itself over and over again.
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