How To Recognize Abusers And The People They Abuse 

Why do abusers abuse?


  • Some abusers lack respect for women and they view them as objects or property.  What they do not understand they attend to abuse.
  •  Many do it for control.  They like to show who is in control of the relationship.  They tend to make all the decisions and expect you to follow them.
  •  Some grew up in homes and have witnessed abuse.  Instead of learning affection they learned that love is the same as abuse.
  •  Some feel that they are superior to women and they must do whatever is necessary to control her.
  •  Some men believe that if they beat their women that is a sign of true manhood.
  •  Some abusers may have been abused.
  •  The have low self-esteem and feel powerless.


Abuse is never the victims fault.  No matter what the abuser may have experienced you are not the blame for their explosive reactions.  No one deserves to be physically, verbally, emotionally, or sexually abused.  If you or someone you know has been blamed for another's violent outburst just know that it's not your fault. 

Characteristics of an abuser

  • Jealousy
  • History of past battering
  • Controlling behavior
  • Threats of violence
  • Quick involvement
  • Breaking things
  • Blames others for their problems
  • During arguments your forced to do things you don't want to do
  • Has control over the finances
  • Uses guilt to manipulate
  • Expects you to follow his/her orders
  • Rage
  • Physical force
  • Closed mindedness, your opinion doesn't matter

Abusers manipulate the system and their partners by

  • Calling CPS(child protective services), and making false statements that you are abusing the children
  • Telling people that you are crazy
  • Telling the police that you hit them too
  • Threatening to take the kids to make you stay
  • Brings up his bad childhood
  • Threatens to commit suicide
  • Begs you for forgiveness
  • Gives you gifts
  • Telling you it won't happen again
  • Promises you that he/she will get counseling

Lies that an abuser may tell you:

  • I can't control it
  • I have a drug problem
  • I had a bad childhood
  • I have an anger problem
  • I have a drinking problem
  • I am just under a lot of stress
  • You don't support me
  • You made me do this, it's your fault

These are all excuses an abuser may use to justify their violent behaviors.  They make the choice to abuse a person.  If you or someone you may know has experienced this just know it is not your fault.  Talk with a counselor, trusted friend, or family member.  There are many resources available to help you.  Check with local shelters or call 1-800-799-safe.





How to help someone in abusive relationship

How do women end up in abusive relationships

Domestic Violence/Abuse Articles